His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
