True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
