Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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