I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
