Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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