when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
