I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
