and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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