I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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