A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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