AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
