why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
