Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The uberlube is also flammable
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
