I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
