i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
