you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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