Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize