life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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