he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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