I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
