kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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