And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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