it hurts more in the daytime
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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