my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
