Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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