I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
