do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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