Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
