apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
