New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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