kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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