I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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