i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
