I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
