did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
