Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
