This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
