Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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