Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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