Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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