I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
