1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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