just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
