We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
