i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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