Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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