I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So much Jack, so little girl.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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