dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
