FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize