my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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