Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He did a backflip because drugs
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