Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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