I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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