How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
