like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
