guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
this is an emotional support booty call
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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