sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
