but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My penis needs a shock collar
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
