Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
