I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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