I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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