Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
