I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
