that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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