i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
