So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
