I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize