Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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