If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
