why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
