is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
