I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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