Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
