i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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