I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
